Meeting Humorists Gifts

"Phyllis needs to stop taking our staff meeting minutes."

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"He looks just like your husband."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Neversource"

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Climbing with the baby

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."