Meeting Humorists Gifts

"Phyllis needs to stop taking our staff meeting minutes."

Polly txt speak

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Alien embryo growing in earth.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Giant Monster in Bath

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"He looks just like your husband."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Neversource"

Why Superman flies himself

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."