Interview Comedians Gifts

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

Memory Foam Mattress.

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"I don't look at it as bouncing from job to job, I'm merely gaining a broad base of experience."

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

Mickey Mouth.

"What's your biggest weakness?"

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

"Will I need a tax shelter?"

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over