Quarterly Quipsters Gifts

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

Official Seal

The Quantum Mechanic...

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

Death Watch

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

"'No' to that, too, eh? Then, may I suggest something we were going to throw out?"

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

Inside the Large Hadron Collider

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

"Thanks, it's hard to believe I've been with the company for a hundred and twenty quarters."

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'