Quarterly Quoters Gifts

"Thanks, it's hard to believe I've been with the company for a hundred and twenty quarters."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Work Parfait

"I hate performance review season."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

The Salesman

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Soaring Profits

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'Why so tense? First appraisal meeting?'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

'It's been a tough quarter, so in lieu of bonuses, you'll all be receiving a DVD of out-takes from our meetings.'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."