Quantum Dieter Gifts

"No. I'm not on a diet. I said 'I'm eating light.'"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Woman and sport trainer

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

'You're going to go on a diet.'

'Fad diet. The weight will come right back.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"We ought to give this diet a name."

How To Flatten Your Tummy

String Cheese Theory

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

'It looks like your computer may block cookies, but you don't.'

'We no longer serve trans-fats. Would you like some lettuce broth?'

Jogging incentives.

There's a thin person inside me trying to get out...probably more than one.

Are you sticking with your resolution to lose weight? No, the South Beach diet wasn't working for me --- I hate sand in my food.