Quackologist Gifts

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'This duck call works too well.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

"Trepanning for gold"

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

Ed's 1 second acupuncture treatment (man holding porcupine).

New-Age junk diet.

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'

"Please don't call me names because you're feeling down in the mouth."

Dead ducks

"You've been fooling around with alternative medicines, haven't you?"

Doctor to nurse about duck: 'Walks like a duck, looks like a duck, but I need some more quacking tests first.'

'Yes, I can give you lipo-suction and a face-lift, Mrs Gribbs, but I must warn you that it won't change the fact that basically, way deep down and underneath it all, you're really a duck.'

'I still think he's saying the sky is falling just to sell life insurance.'

'OK, that was funny, but before you quack like me again, be aware that the Duck Season is open...'

Geese

Testing the first doc call.

"You called?"

'Son, I think it's time we had 'The Quack'.'