Quackery Gifts

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'This duck call works too well.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

"Betty, we're paying through the nose for that plastic surgery! Just look at that visa and discovery bill!"

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

'As you may know, I'll retire in a few weeks but you better not think that I'm a lame duck now!'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

Ed's 1 second acupuncture treatment (man holding porcupine).

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'

"Please don't call me names because you're feeling down in the mouth."

Dead ducks

Duck protest march

"You've been fooling around with alternative medicines, haven't you?"

Doctor to nurse about duck: 'Walks like a duck, looks like a duck, but I need some more quacking tests first.'

'Yes, I can give you lipo-suction and a face-lift, Mrs Gribbs, but I must warn you that it won't change the fact that basically, way deep down and underneath it all, you're really a duck.'

Geese

'OK, that was funny, but before you quack like me again, be aware that the Duck Season is open...'

Testing the first doc call.

"You called?"