Quackery Detective Gifts

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

'Here they come, Ben, look alive now!'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"Trepanning for gold"

"It's a setup."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"We need to talk about procrastination."

'Great news Marcel! Proof that it's a genuine Leonardo!'

"See...polystyrene!"

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'I suspect, Madam, that this Van Gogh is a forgery.'

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

"They're not home.."

"There's that squeak again."

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."

"We're getting nowhere. First you won't admit you have a problem, then you do, and now you say it's all a big hoax."

'I've been lying to you, darling. I'm not really Godzilla, King of the Monsters...'

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

Jose Manuel Villarejo Scandal

"You can use Dave's cubicle. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and won't be using it this winter. Whoa! I guess I'm wrong. There he is, hibernating under the desk!"

"Oh, gosh, oh no, you've found me out..."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

'OK you didn't eat the rabbit, I believe you; snakes are no strangers to plausible deniability.'

"The charges of blackmail were dropped. Those pictures of the prosecutor really came in handy."