Quackery Quester T-Shirts

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Do me next."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

'I was working on developing anti-matter under laboratory conditions, but I couldn't find anything to keep it in.'

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"We seem to be at that point where particle physics leaves of and theology begins."

'My God Pearson you're right. All these years the greates scientific minds have been looking for the theory of everything and all we had to do was Google it!'

Time Travel Research Lab

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

'So, there really is a Higgs Boson?'

"Dark energy's hard to detect because it's made from happiness."

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'He's close -- he's developed a unified field theory for everything except anchovies.'

'I became a theoretical physicist because my poor hand-eye coordination precluded me from doing experiments...'

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."

The Water Diviner

"This job could lead to smaller things."

"Ooh, get the quantum theorist hiding behind that tree."

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

Tonight: Lecture on 4th Dimensional Physics and Ontological Topology. Buy Tickets Here. Sorry, fellas, but I'm going to have to see some IQ.

"Hahaha! What's wrong Dorky Nerdmire? That's your name isn't it?"

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'