Quackery Aficionado T-Shirts

"Your blood pressure is normal, but I don't like the length of that life-line."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

Inflatable Duck Boat

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"The usual."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'Here they come, Ben, look alive now!'

'Have you been feeding him cat food again?'

I know. Isn't it funny how people and their pets start to look alike?

Cat art exhibition.

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

Early days in the cloning lab.

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

The nuclear physicist's duck.

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

"Well, the president of the ethics committee is in jail and his deputy is binge drinking with three prostitutes. Do you want to leave a message?"

"This next trick will require a volunteer from the audience..."

'It helps to be a little crazy to work here, but you're overqualified.'

The Museum of Swine Art.

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

Ask a Silly Question, Get A Silly Answer

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Get in! No time to explain!'

Hose charmer.

"Well, your reflexes are fine."

'Do you extract teeth?'

"Have we got a show for you!"