Quackery Aficionado Pillows

"Your blood pressure is normal, but I don't like the length of that life-line."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

"The usual."

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'Here they come, Ben, look alive now!'

'Have you been feeding him cat food again?'

Cat art exhibition.

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

Early days in the cloning lab.

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

The nuclear physicist's duck.

"This next trick will require a volunteer from the audience..."

"Well, the president of the ethics committee is in jail and his deputy is binge drinking with three prostitutes. Do you want to leave a message?"

'It helps to be a little crazy to work here, but you're overqualified.'

The Museum of Swine Art.

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

Ask a Silly Question, Get A Silly Answer

"Well, your reflexes are fine."

Hose charmer.

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Get in! No time to explain!'

'Do you extract teeth?'

"Respect man!"

"Quit complaining and decorate it! Number one, it's tradition, number two, it's nobody we know..."