Puppy Portfolio Manager Gifts

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Marv was trying to teach Rufus how to be a REAL retriever.

'Time to buy.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

Long and Short term investments.

The Invisible Hand of the Market

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

Standard And P****d.

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'