Puppy Parent Humor Gifts

'Rubber pork chops. Excellent choice, Sir. With or without squeakers?'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'Good book?'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"Would you like a 'scratching' or 'non-scratching' room?"

Tinder for dogs

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Quick, act casual."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

This is your park - get busy and clean up the doggie-doo!

Now Wash Your Paws

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"