Dog Parent Humorist Gifts

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"I don't feel like going on a walk today, so I got me an Uber to take me around the block. You need the exercise, so you can walk beside the car."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'They sure have small litters.'

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

'Good book?'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"Courtney: Raised by hamsters"

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"Goddam Dogs."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Guess what I learned in band class today?"

"Leave the toilet."

Tinder for dogs