Animal Parenting Humorist Gifts

"Courtney: Raised by hamsters"

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Scuba cow"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'