Pet Parenting Humorist Gifts

'But being rich is no excuse not to pay your bill.'

Conversation between Dogs.

'Hello, my name is Charlene and it's been 3 days since I let my cat boss me around.'

Woman walks the dog, using a clothes line as a dog lead.

Now Wash Your Paws

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Dogs life

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Cats at private view

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Clown walks balloon dog

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'