Comedy Pet Parent Gifts

'I'm going to dispense a case of reducing diet for her....

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

"It's only the wind."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Is our owner hot?"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Non-working dog, please help

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

A British policeman looking for a black cat who is in the hedge behind him.

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'TB or not TB, that is the question.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

Tinder for dogs

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'