Humorous Pet Parent Gifts

Bad cat - Credit Card.

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

Tinder for dogs

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'