Pet Parent With Humor Gifts

"Is our owner hot?"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"You stop it, now!"

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Good book?'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Here he comes! Don't move."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

Bad Dog

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'And in a landslide, the winner of the 'Waking Up Your Owner' race...'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Quick, act casual."