Pet Parents' Humor Gifts

"This is my place, and that's the guest house."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

Tinder for dogs

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."