Pet Parents With A Laugh Gifts

"Surely it's warm enough to take another dog off, dear."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

Cat Romance

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"Is our owner hot?"

'Bone appetit!'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Mommy didn't bring a stick. Boo Boo want to fetch a lipstick?'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Goldie playing chess. Check.

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Tinder for dogs

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"He's my discomfort animal."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

"You will be going on a long walk."

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

'I sentence you to nine consecutive life terms.'

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'

Bad cat - Credit Card.