Pet Parents With A Flair Gifts

"Oh, yes, Cathy, this imprisonment is far superior to my home incarceration as it brings me closer to that which I'll never touch or smell, all with the added perk of indelible humiliation."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

Cat Romance

"You stop it, now!"

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

Dog Jogger

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Bone appetit!'

'Mommy didn't bring a stick. Boo Boo want to fetch a lipstick?'

"Is our owner hot?"

'We really should get him chipped.'

Bad Dog

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Tinder for dogs

"He's my discomfort animal."

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

"Our flying monkeys really seem to be hitting it off."

Toddler sharing dog food

'Your dragon appears to have a nasty cough.'

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

"My owner thinks turtle necks are back in fashion."

Hair of the dog spots: a dog wearing a beret

101 uses of a dead cat: knitting

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'

Bad girl.