Pet Parents With A Laugh Pillows

"Surely it's warm enough to take another dog off, dear."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

Cat and mouse.

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'I hate surprises!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

Cat Romance

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

"You stop it, now!"

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Bone appetit!'

"Is our owner hot?"

'Mommy didn't bring a stick. Boo Boo want to fetch a lipstick?'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Goldie playing chess. Check.

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Tinder for dogs

"He's my discomfort animal."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"You will be going on a long walk."

"Our flying monkeys really seem to be hitting it off."

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'

Bad cat - Credit Card.