Pet Parent Humorist Gifts

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'We had planned to wait until Bowzer finished obedience school, then I came into heat.'

"The math was rough. The verbal was a snap."

"What are you wearing? Pant... pant...!

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

"Sure, my master's okay...but I wouldn't call him my best friend!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

Good, but not Great Danes.

'Hold on, it's raining: If we ask to go outside now, we won't be allowed back in...'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"Yeah, it's nice she's giving me crackers, but a cheese platter and dips would go down nicely too..."

"I'm sorry, I'm having trouble understanding you right now. Please try again later. I'm sorry..."

"If this tree is so great, why doesn't he pee on it."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Cats at private view

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Dogs life

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.