Animal Caretaking Humorist Gifts

Strictly Ornamental.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

No jay walking.

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Cat job interviews.'

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.