Animal Care Humorist Gifts

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

No jay walking.

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Cat job interviews.'

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.