Animal Hospital Humorist Gifts

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Scuba cow"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"WHich one is mine?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Hats and Food

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'