Animal Care Humorist Pillows

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Cat job interviews.'

"I don't think we can keep our love a secret for much longer dear"

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'