Animal Care Jokester Pillows

'Here! I saved his anal sacs for you.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

"I wasn't dead yet."

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'No I'm going to do this one standing.

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

Strictly Ornamental.

'I don't care if a person would have been treated the same way. This is not a person. This is MY DOG!"

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

'Whoa, hey, guys! Where are you going?! I was just brushing my teeth, see!'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

'You srow ze glove in my face?...'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'Louder, Doctor! I can't make out what you're saying.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

"For God's sake Dennis, that was the budgie!"

'Next we tried continuous intravenous drip fluid therapy...'

'I see you tried giving your cat a bath, again.'

'I don't know how, but he has the bird flu.'

'Great car-chasing scenes!'

Terrierists.

Velcro Paws.

'Are you still going steady with that left leg at number thirty six?'

"Well, I think it's a BIG improvement over how he used to play with them after he caught them!"

'Okay, Claudia, you're right, next time I'll buy freshly frozen rats!'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'