Pet Care Jokester Pillows

"I wasn't dead yet."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

'At least when they shear you, they finish the job... Look at me! I look ridiculous...'

"I'm retired now"

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

'No I'm going to do this one standing.

'Here! I saved his anal sacs for you.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'Now you do know she needs a bath every week and an oil change every 3000 miles?'

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

'Whoa, hey, guys! Where are you going?! I was just brushing my teeth, see!'

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

'If he has worms can we take him fishing?'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

'Great car-chasing scenes!'

Terrierists.

Velcro Paws.

'Okay, Claudia, you're right, next time I'll buy freshly frozen rats!'

'Are you still going steady with that left leg at number thirty six?'

"Well, I think it's a BIG improvement over how he used to play with them after he caught them!"

'I don't know how, but he has the bird flu.'

"For God's sake Dennis, that was the budgie!"

"There's nothing good on T.V. tonight - want to go chase some cars?"

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Dog diagram