Dog Parent Humorist Pillows

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"I don't feel like going on a walk today, so I got me an Uber to take me around the block. You need the exercise, so you can walk beside the car."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'They sure have small litters.'

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

'Good book?'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"You stop it, now!"

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"Is our owner hot?"

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"Courtney: Raised by hamsters"

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"Goddam Dogs."

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Guess what I learned in band class today?"