Humor-loving Dog Parent Gifts

This is your park - get busy and clean up the doggie-doo!

Skeleton playing fetch.

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Good book?'

"Bad dog!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"You stop it, now!"

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'None of them is dead! They're just doing this to embarrass me!'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

The Haunted Dog House

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"I never liked dogs in any of my previous lives either."

Every Dog Has His Day

"I understand everything he says, but I've found that maintaining a blank expression results in less work."

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'