Punctuation Ponderer Gifts

'Does 'pass the ketchup' have a question mark?'

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Dating an English Major

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"I've just invented the question mark."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Ironing Punctuation

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”