Punctuation Ponderer Pillows

Relax, Mr. Fusco. Just as a hammer is used to test the reflexes of your knees, the sight of an ax is used to test the reflexes of your exclamation points. !! !!

I can tell by your question marks that you find me confusing. May I buy you a couple of hovering smiley-face emoji? What about some hearts? ? ?

'Does 'pass the ketchup' have a question mark?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Dating an English Major

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"I've just invented the question mark."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

Ironing Punctuation

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'