Pun-loving Scale-stepper Gifts

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

Do it yourself books.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

Onion Guillotine

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

"You'll get three meals a day,but they will all be continental breakfast."

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

"We plead insanity, You Honor, due to a severe Multiple Personality Disorder."

Travel Agents

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

'Phht! This activist judge wont throw the book at him. He just tosses it underhand.'

"He's afraid of needles..."

Crime A-L

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

Tallest building in medieval times.

'What about your underwear? That must weigh a pound or two.'

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

Crater Lake

The ol' swine flu gag.

Giant woman.

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'