Pun-loving Scale-stepper Pillows

Do it yourself books.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Onion Guillotine

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

"You'll get three meals a day,but they will all be continental breakfast."

"We plead insanity, You Honor, due to a severe Multiple Personality Disorder."

Travel Agents

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'

The ol' swine flu gag.

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

'Phht! This activist judge wont throw the book at him. He just tosses it underhand.'

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

Crime A-L

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

'What about your underwear? That must weigh a pound or two.'

Tallest building in medieval times.

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

Crater Lake

Giant woman.

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

'You could get a bigger model, but you'd have to pay extra!'