Pun-loving Poet Gifts

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Think about the honey."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Pavement artist.