Pun-loving Writer Gifts

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

The static electric eel is very rare.

Weather forecast

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'