Pun-loving Reader Gifts

Crime A-L

50 shades of brown.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Hotness

Tips on how to reduce those unsightly crow's feet.

Literate Dogs.

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

Larry's Literary Market.

Weather forecast

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

Hell's Schlegel

'You give me goose bumps!'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"