Pun-loving Cook Gifts

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

Do it yourself books.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Amy Sedaris

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

Onion Guillotine

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Noodle exchange program.

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

"You'll get three meals a day,but they will all be continental breakfast."

Cat punishement.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'Are you sure this fish is fresh?'

"I'm not going to sit here and take orders from a taco!"

Escaping Egg

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

The ol' swine flu gag.

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

"Smoked Gouda"

"The only person who is going to be able to make any sense of this trial is the sketch artist."

Dicing with death.

"Explain something to me. Are 'boned' and 'deboned' the same thing?"

Silly Seasoning

'Friday morning is no good for me- I'll be settling someone's hash!'