Pun-loving Cook Pillows

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

Do it yourself books.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Amy Sedaris

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

Onion Guillotine

ACME Condiments Quality Control. The boss wants to know if you're going to pass the ketchup.

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Noodle exchange program.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

Cat punishement.

"You'll get three meals a day,but they will all be continental breakfast."

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'Are you sure this fish is fresh?'

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

Escaping Egg

"He's afraid of needles..."

The ol' swine flu gag.

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

"I'm not going to sit here and take orders from a taco!"

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

"Smoked Gouda"

'Friday morning is no good for me- I'll be settling someone's hash!'

Hamster Cello tape.

'If you commit a crime when you're slow as molasses & leave a trail of slime you're going to do some time.'

"Explain something to me. Are 'boned' and 'deboned' the same thing?"