Pump Attendant Gifts

"And from now on, Mrs. Chamberlain, I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me Skeeter. Try to call me Marvin."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Fight or Flight

"Would you like some wings?"

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

The World Wide Web.

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

The World's Easiest Airport

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

A private jet takes off

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Employee of the Month Parking

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Vaccination Passport

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"You're never home."

Airplane food

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."