Pump Attendant Gifts

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

Fight or Flight

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

The World's Easiest Airport

The World Wide Web.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

A private jet takes off

Employee of the Month Parking

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'Flight simulator'

Vaccination Passport

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Airplane food

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"You're never home."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."