Pulpit Performer Pillows

'Success, Simkins, is when someone shouts 'encore' after the sermon.'

'I'll be brief today since my Powerpoint isn't working.'

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Priest and mobile

Playdough's The Republic

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

Talking Dog.

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

Finger puppets in church.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'We are gathered here...'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

Ventriloquist Audition

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

Dolphin tricks.

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'Fallllling in heeeeeat agaaaaain

'I think it's some kind of power point presentation.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Guitarist

Pavlov's Dream.

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

'This is the way to do it.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'Brother John had discovered a loophole in the vow of silence'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Feel free to use it. It's an emergency escape hatch if you say something controversial."

'You need to take one capsule a day as supplement. .. After you reach a certain income level, your body stops producing this stuff.'