Pulpit Performer Gifts

'Success, Simkins, is when someone shouts 'encore' after the sermon.'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Priest and mobile

Playdough's The Republic

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

Talking Dog.

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Finger puppets in church.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

'We are gathered here...'

Ventriloquist Audition

Dolphin tricks.

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

Guitarist

'Fallllling in heeeeeat agaaaaain

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

Pavlov's Dream.

'Brother John had discovered a loophole in the vow of silence'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'This is the way to do it.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Feel free to use it. It's an emergency escape hatch if you say something controversial."

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

'You need to take one capsule a day as supplement. .. After you reach a certain income level, your body stops producing this stuff.'

Will act like an idiot for food.

Baroque Dance Studio