Pulpit Humor Gifts

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'We are gathered here...'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Is this Haiku poopery?"

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

Pirated mirrors.

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

Priest and mobile

'No, Ma'am, nothin' dead under there... just a nest of adolescent lawyers.'

'Occupation?'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

'I think it's most likely a situational depression.'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

Dog poops next to a 'Crap' sign.

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

Dalmatian with Spotty Poop.

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Mr. Handley here makes all the final hiring decisions.'

For Your Dog

New curate discussing the pulpit with his paritioners

"Well hellooooo chica. And what is your name?"

So What Field You In?

Vicar wearing shirt back to front instead of dog collar.