Pulpit Pro Gifts

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"I need to tinkle."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

Thou Shalt Not!

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'We are gathered here...'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Your wife borrowed the car.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'Oh well, never let it be said you can't handle your booze!'

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."

"It looks like your son has problem skin."

Piss Bull

Priest and mobile

'Yes, I got it all.'

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

Race car driver sees Pit crew member holding sign: Stop And Ask For Directions.

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

'That's Frank's lazy eye.'

Ballet Shoes

Walkies again?

'I'll be brief today since my Powerpoint isn't working.'

'I guess I don't have to tell you how disappointed I am with sales on the front nine.'

"I'm SUPPOSED to be 'preachy'!"

New curate discussing the pulpit with his paritioners

'So our dot-com business failed! We can next form another dot-com business to liquidate our old dot-com stuff.'