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Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"I need to tinkle."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

Thou Shalt Not!

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'We are gathered here...'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'Your wife borrowed the car.'

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

"It looks like your son has problem skin."

'Oh well, never let it be said you can't handle your booze!'

'Yes, I got it all.'

Piss Bull

Priest and mobile

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

Race car driver sees Pit crew member holding sign: Stop And Ask For Directions.

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

'That's Frank's lazy eye.'

Ballet Shoes

"I'm SUPPOSED to be 'preachy'!"

New curate discussing the pulpit with his paritioners

'I guess I don't have to tell you how disappointed I am with sales on the front nine.'

'So our dot-com business failed! We can next form another dot-com business to liquidate our old dot-com stuff.'

"I've starched your trousers, so you can't fall over when you come out of the pub."