Pull-cord Connoisseur Pillows

"I'll never forget one day last July- it started right off."

Curling your hair for no reason

'Would you like to dance?' Woman has 'No' written on her t-shirt. Guy has 'Why not?'.

Woman Curls Her Dog.

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'I like to wear women's collars.'

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"Hey dude, when I said curls might help, that's not what I meant."

Welcome to my cellar!

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Wait! Do you think the quick release bolts are a good idea?"

"As far as I'm concerned, gentlemen, this marks the end of the Schwarzwalder String Quartet."

Snake charmer tries sleazy pick-up on snake at a bar.

Swell who has called a police officer to pick up his umbrella rather than bend and disturb his collar

"It speaks to my desire to spend money."

"Believe it or not, but we're Batman and Robin off duty!"

Man and dog hang their tongues out in the wind while driving.

'Hiya, spaceman.'

'When does salmon season start?!'

"I don't mean to be a snob, but I know what real leather sounds like."

'That Jimmy is sickening!'

"Can you recommend any wines for the middle class?"

Highlights of the week!

'Relax - TV brings you a commercial - free hour of a purring kitten...

Oh great. They're all females and my equipment only uses males.

'Relax - they'll never get beyond the first underpass.'

The Wool Shop - "Give me all your balaclavas!"

'Dad, do we zap in AC or DC?'

Clancy: Nicknames

Man to TV: 'I love you!'

'It's not you... these days angry mobs are all the rage.'