Connector Connoisseur Pillows

Oh great. They're all females and my equipment only uses males.

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

A Highly Networked Staff

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

Bagging the Chipmunk

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

'Oh no! I've had tons wiped off my footprint.'

"Wait! Do you think the quick release bolts are a good idea?"

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'Slow Connection'

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

"We were unable to release his grip on the smart phone."

How to Avoid Tears when Peeling Onions

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

In need of a wash...

Online dating: How big is your dongle?

"It speaks to my desire to spend money."

Anti-Litter Machine

'I hated our island vacation - everything was beautiful, but I had no cell service.'

"Pick any three items and they're yours"

"I'd love to, but my phone and I are having dinner that night."