Puck Whiz Gifts

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

The Hockey Puckey

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

"Extremely Minature Golf." They're playing golf down there today. A chlorophyll molecule is collecting green fees and some H2O molecules are a water hazard. The adrenaline group seems to have gotten a burst of energy -- They're playing through the slower groups in front of them. I see the electron is good, always a negative score. And the nucleus is a solid player, every shot is hit right down the center. But nobody can match the DNA's consistency --- He's able to perfectly replicate his s

The Puck Stops Here.

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

Hockey Goal

His Other Shtick

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

'Before you get into the market, we need to test your pain threshold...'

"He should've passed the puck."

The Stanley Cup comes home to Canada

The computer was bad enough, but now my phone can beat me at chess.

Skate! Skate! Skate!

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

'They're renegotiating their contracts with the team owner during half time.'

Dueling Pianos

"And this is a crossword puzzle I'm working on."